i. catching up
Euphoria of a kind sweeps through all of us at the end of the Gregorian year whether or not we participate in its celebration. It’s a marker that most people find easy to work with— something is ending, something is beginning and thankfully, I’m not the only one aware of it. What better time to set goals and talk to friends about them? It doesn’t always matter that all the talking has given us any ‘good feel’ chemicals that achieving the goals would have. It’s a vibe to talk about it.
It doesn’t always matter that all the talking has given us any ‘good feel’ chemicals that achieving the goals would have. It’s a vibe to talk about it.
I did talk a lot at the start of this year and of all the goals I drafted in my notion vision board, I only achieved one. Passing my MB 1—considering school comes a close second to my spiritual health on my list of priorities, I don’t have any negative emotions about that. It was good, and I am grateful, it does feel like I’m in medical school really now and an adult.
Or maybe feeling like an adult is just a general symptom of this year.
In this issue, I want to take you with me as I consider work and consumption. For a long time, I’ve hesitated about this topic because part of me thought it required a much more intellectual framework. I’ve only read a few articles/essays, watched a couple of videos and have largely a religious perspective to go on. But I engage with both these things every day with a willingness to learn. That is enough of an origin for interrogation.
I started to think about work post-exam results. Preparing for that exam put me under stress I have never gone through in my life. I bent in ways I didn’t think was possible both mentally and emotionally and it was after the results that I sat down, crying, wondering why exactly I was doing this to myself. It was one of those questions that healed something in me solely by my asking it.
Nothing about what I’d done at that particular moment felt like it was worth it even though I’d passed and the general opinion is that you should be oh so happy about that. I could only think of the next exam. To become a doctor, why? To care for people. why? And that is where I hit a bridge, there are so many ways to care for people— so many of them less stressful. What about this particular one felt like the go-to? Why work at all? What am I working for/to be a part of/ to own?
I don’t know but I’m asking these questions and think you should as well.
This brings me to consumption, something we should all think about regardless of the socioeconomic class we identify ourselves as a part of or want to be a part of. There’s too much that’s happening on account of our demand as consumers (see the various genocides plus climate change) that some introspection is required. I’ll reiterate some questions I’ve been seeing on the various corners of the internet and asking myself.
Where are our tools, food, clothing and gadgets coming from? Is every part of the process ethical? Why is this being marketed to me right now? Are there more ethical pathways? Do I need all of these things? How much importance am I paying to this product by giving it my attention? Why not second-hand/refurbished/thrift? Am I really paying for quality? And so on. Even if I don’t always possess the answers to these as well, the goal is to always be aware.
ii. in review
I made new friends this year. I read so many essays. I revised my book— thought about deleting it and then trudged on because I think hard things teach us something. I don’t always know what that something is but it’s there. I said most of the things I wanted to say without concern for inconsequential rungs in the social hierarchy. I wore more colours and liked some of them evidenced by the number of purples and wine that I own now. I spent a week somewhere almost alone and accepted that I enjoy saying pieces of movie dialogue out loud instead of only inside my head— I do it more often now. I journaled and exercised so consistently that I don’t think I am capable of leaving either habit ever. I like wearing boots everywhere. Jewellery is cool actually. I’m scared of putting myself out there so I simply didn’t take many steps. I learned to pray again. I drank so much water. My sister gave me an oddly shaped rock from her collection and I’ll, God willing, make a case for it someday. My little brother is so much taller than I am now. Learning is fun even within school sometimes. The need for academic validation can ruin you. Social media sometimes makes me feel ill. I use more menthol these days not because it’s all that cold but because it returns me to a part of my past I don’t want to forget. I drank way too much sugar which thinking about now, bleugh. I like perfumes. I am proud of myself when I climb long flights of stairs and feel only a slight hitching in my breathing. I could hug my family forever. I live. I enjoy it.
iii. some of my favourite essays this year
The Sound of Your Voice— voice notes as a new, old friendship format. I have been in the very many places my friends have sent me voicenotes from.
The Pursuit of Spectacle— on our fascination with watching violence.
Why Is Making Dinner So Hard?- self-explanatory.
All Things Considered— on optimism and simply not participating.
You Think You're Not That Ambitious
The Prophet (SAW): I don’t fear poverty for you, rather I fear that the world will be opened up for you as it was opened to those before you and you will compete with one another for it and it will destroy you as it destroyed them. (Bukhari & Muslim).
Assalam Alaykum Warahmatullah wa Barakatu.
If you’ve ever seen The Good Place on Netflix, it dives into the idea that there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, even if by your intentions or by your perception, you think what you’re doing is completely ethical. It’s a hard thing to navigate because of the systems that exist in our society, so you can only try to do your best and minimize harmful consumption.
Then on re-investigating the whys of why you do what you do, I get struggling for that answer as well. Sometimes I wonder if any answer is better than the other and if my answer is good enough, but as long as you have a valid reason driving you, that in and of itself can be sufficient for the time being. Congrats on getting through this year, your MB, and all the little wins in between!
i. congratulations on passing your MB 1 exams
ii. consumerism is one disease of capitalism. there's this 3-part documentary I watched, it was so eye opening; the men who made us spend. (Couldn't find the third part anywhere)
iii. The hadeeth at the end 🙌🙌
thank you for writing 😊😊